This morning I was writing in my journal and reflecting on some experiences from the past week where I was in a virtual group conversation and I felt good about how it went. I presented myself well, made some connections, advanced my cause. Good work.
But it occurred to me that I had entered each group with an automatic and not even conscious feeling of inferiority. I was patting myself on the back for not blowing it. It wasn’t exactly a feeling of imposter syndrome. It was more that I entered each group thinking that I was less than and needed time before I realized that wasn’t the case.
I give myself credit for venturing into networking opportunities that are somewhat out of my comfort zone. But just because I’m a little out of my element doesn’t mean I need to assume I lack value until such time as I realize that isn’t so.
I want my default to be I belong here. I have plenty to contribute. Realizing it is a step in the right direction. There was a time when it took longer than 45 minutes to remember my inherent value. But from now on I want to go into those conversations feeling my full worth. Let’s have that be a given and not a pleasant surprise.
Welcome to the club. It’s not the club you necessarily want to belong to, for here are all those doubts, but it is the club for which you are paying dues of time and attention. And, I would argue it is the club with more benefits. It was a while ago I got that doubts keep me on my toes. I hyper-prepare for classes, presentations, etc. but not to the point of being ridiculous but rather to that personal, internal point of knowing that what I’m offering meets the needs of the receiver and that I have done a job that honors my skills and intentions. So, I’m cool with the doubts that invariably show up.